Adoption is scary, and emotional, and crazy, packed with feelings you never thought you would have, but at the end of it all, it is beautiful.
For as long as I can remember, I wished for two things: to be a mom and to adopt.
My first wish came true with the birth of our daughter, Amelia. When Amelia turned two, we decided it was time to make wish two come true. We contacted CCC and arranged for a home study to be completed so that we could begin our adoption journey. We were eager to welcome a new baby into our lives. Seven months into the waiting process, we were matched with a wonderful expectant mama and couldn't believe that it had finally happened.
Then, about three weeks before the baby’s birth, the match ended. We were devastated. Although we were discouraged, we decided to jump back in and keep trying to adopt—but this time with an attitude of “let it be.” Let it be, became my mantra.
About a month later, we learned of a two-and-a-half-year-old little boy who needed a family. We heard his story on a Wednesday night and couldn’t stop thinking about him. My husband Dan especially felt a tugging at his heart that we needed to apply. So, we took a deep breath, gave it to God, and applied on Thursday morning. That same evening, the social worker asked if we could speak with the birth mother. Of course we said yes, but on the inside we were panicking! By the end of the call, the social worker and the birth mother said we were chosen. On Saturday, we met our son, Isaiah.
When Isaiah was placed with us, I expected to immediately fall in love with him and experience euphoria like I had after giving birth to Amelia. But it wasn’t there. Dan, on the other hand, connected with Isaiah almost immediately. He felt an unbridled love that I kept hoping for. I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe I wasn't strong enough to do this. Maybe I was broken.
After two weeks, from the strangest place came an unconditional, unmoving, unwavering love and connection. In a single moment it connected for me that Isaiah is my son. He will always be my son. I need him just as much as he needs me. It didn't happen in the same way that it happened with my daughter. But it did happen—in its own way and in its own time.
Adoption is scary, and emotional, and crazy, packed with feelings you never thought you would have, but at the end of it all, it is beautiful.